Latest instalment
- I Can Now See
The world doesn’t look the same as it used to.
And what was it I was thinking?
I can’t think:
everything coming and going,
my memory leaving.
May the next life
when I am young again,
be as wonderful as this one.
And as the women pass,
they turn.I can now see
how everything came to be
in the garden at home
above a blue silvery sky
the whole of life inside me.
Up through the light
I reach the end.You love me and I love you
love is everything
and everyone.
In the silence of space
you will know
love goes on
after we are gone.
All instalments
- Wandering Around
Was wandering around
wondering what to do.
and on the sea wall is written
“God loves you”The wind has dropped and there’s this thought;
it comes from nowhere-
she won’t be back,
I won’t be seeing her.I lift my face and up came the gulls
over the surveillance camera.Below, street litter, and along the pier,
over the cafe an ocean sky.Life can bring you a friend
and life can bring it to an endI’m sitting in a place we used to love,
everything is as it was.I felt the presence of your absence.
And here I am,
looking for someone like you.
an easy mistake to make,
as anyone might do. - I Keep Looking Out
When I walk about
I think about
maybe I’ll see you
I keep looking out.Looking for you on the street.
I glance up
look inside a passing car.
I hang around the shops,
it’s lunch hour.
Sunlight on the buildings
aeroplane trails in the sky.When I walk about
I think about
maybe I’ll see you
I keep looking out.A woman turns my head.
Yes, it could be said:
When I walk about
I think about
maybe I’ll see you
I keep looking out - And There’s This Thought
And there’s this thought that comes from nowhere
I’m reminded that I won’t be seeing her
And I wonder what’s happening to her
With her, in her.
And here I am
In this urban landscape
Silent and separate
With everything to regret.And when the thought of her comes so suddenly
It takes me away from all reality.
And I wonder what’s happening
To me, with me, in me
As I go back to her place,
Her place so small
Yet somewhere I felt so secure.
It’s her place I recall,
It’s the thought of her place
I’ve felt before.And I wonder what’s to happen
to me, with me, for me
As I stand in this urban landscape
Silent and separate
with everything to regret. - You Can’t Share
There’s a circus in your head
you can’t share.
There’s a circus in your head that circles there.
There are tears on the terraces
unforeseen miseries in the game.
The fruit machine offers something for nothing
and takes everything.
There’s farce and tragedy on stage and screen,
you’re caught up in a car chase
on a video game.
There are circles in your head
you can’t share.
There’s a circus in your head
that circles there.And the paradise garden will not reappear
and on this summer’s day
the way that you don’t love me
won’t go away. - Across The Road
She had sweet breath
blonde hair,
tattoo
short skirt, rising legs,
fake tan, nice pair.Everything’s all right
if you don’t care.It’s not funny,
ha ha but it is.
She so loves me.She’s only a few minutes
from my front door.
Between the cars,
across the road, I go over.She’s got sweet breath
blonde hair, tattoo
short skirt, rising legs,
fake tan, nice pair.Everything’s all right
if you don’t care.It’s not funny,
ha ha but it is.
She so loves me. - On Foot
I’ve got a shiny
hand-washed car,
hot dog and coke
from around the corner,
and guess which one
I saw,
the one who used to be pregnant,
had a child by god knows who
Out there it’s a comedy
if you’re never sober.I go down the slope
on foot,
past the speed camera.
Shops close down
people go from here.
The sun pours down,
she takes a photo.
“You’re lovely,”
she said,
“I’ll be back later.” - In The Skies
There I stand
opening the car door,
on holiday.She leaned forward
slowly,
brought her arm down.
Light filtered through
from the great unknown;
long before there were
buildings and people
in the skies,
centuries beyond.Look how the sky goes on,
islands and other horizons,
and her on the evening sands.
The wind is more
than it was,I kissed her soft mouth.
I said something,
her eyes were closed
she said nothing.
Like someone you once passed
but never met
would give you the most unhappiness. - You Know
I’m living with the addictive gene
Need the flow of adrenaline,
And you know what addiction can do,
I’m obsessed by the thought of you.
Spoil me, ruin me, spin me, indulge me,
I’ve got the fruit machine mentality.
And I need you to share
my addictive nature.
All I want from you
Is to be obsessed by it too.
I need to lose, I want to win
I’m a victim of the addictive gene.
I’m obsessed by the thought of me,
I’ve got the fruit machine mentality.I need to lose, I want to win,
Need to be the centre of attraction.
Spoil me, ruin me, spin me, indulge me,
I’ve got the fruit machine mentality,
I’ve got the addictive personality. - You Never Quite Know
I’m in the pub again
and she’ll be somewhere.You never quite know
with the people you know,
and I’ll never get back to telling her.God is either there or not
I’m exactly right or absolutely wrong.
And if you think about the old days
you start to miss everyone.I’m sat at a table smoking,
up and back to the fruit machine.
Cherry, bell, cherry.
Bell, cherry, lemon.Hollow is the world.
hollow is my soul.
Hollow are the heavens
I can’t let go.
Hollow is the pub,
hollow is the hole.
Hollow is the night,
I have come to know. - Her Name
I remember the night
but not her name,
the people at the bar, the fruit machine,
the car I drove,
her attractive friend
the way she looked at me,
and back home she came.And the minute someone is kind to you
you feel better, you do.I remember the night,
the way she looked at me,
the dress she wore,
my hand on her knee.And the moment someone is kind to you
you feel better, it’s true. - So Listen
The world passes through phases
certain people make changes
like us.
But people can’t see through
What is undone.
Listen to the living voice,
take what I am giving.
Only man has given life meaning.
so listen to your identity,
it’s our only chance of seeing.
Come on to the new horizon,
lose yourself in the forest, wood, tree.
it’s only dying into the new life,
You must believe in what is meant to be.
Look into the sun, sky, sea.
We know what it is we want,
What is to be done.
It will be so beautiful,
So final
Dying into the new life.
I can’t deny
I’ve seen the other side.
I can’t show you
You gotta arrive alone.
But what’s the use in looking
When people don’t recognise what they are?
It’s so clear
people can’t see.
It’s so sad,
Listen to me. - The World Goes Round
There’s a world outside I know
And there’s a place inside I go –
Both are sad.
As meanings slip and slide
I can’t grasp what it is
In a life.
But you can ask
And while the world turns
It’s turning all the time.
The world goes round
The world around
And still I can’t explain
The reasons why we remain.
So picture the world
And the world as a picture.
Close your eyes
And you’re there
It’s no better no worse.
It’s all we have,
It’s how it looks
is how it seems
And all that goes on in dreams. - Everyone
No one can fuse into you
Carry that isolation.
We have to understand alone
Understand how to share on our own.
When it hurts it’s hurting.
I’m trying to accept all the regret.Full of contradictions and conflict,
I’m trying to accept things,
Learning to live with the crucifixion.
It’s happened, it’s over, it’s done.
What was it the world thought they were doing?
And when I’ve been rejected
There seems little incentive
To keep chasing the game.But I’m getting to know what I know of me;
We are all the same person.
We are everyone. - Gone Are The People
One woman was no better
than the other;
The end of a relationship brings me to another.
There’s a lot of lonely people around hereShe leans back, pushes away her chair
“What was that?” she says,
as I go to kiss her.I make the same mistake,
buy another drink.
She don’t love me
Why should she?In her heart she moves further away.
Gone are the people
from the table behind meI put my glass down,
Check for messages on the phone.
Now outside the pub
the one I’ve just come from,
in my pocket my money gone. - In The Street
In the street
people on their way,
in the street-life of the street all day.
Cigarette in hand, I hold it there.
I look down to see where the self ends
and here begins all of everywhere.The girls go about
think about the boys all the time.I saw one earlier on
She’s had loads, they say,
She’s caused plenty,
me being one.
I hear those leaving steps gone behind me
A taxi swings past the coffee shops and away. - People Pass
She’s in the cafe,
outside buses pass by.
Her coffee cup casts a shadow,
sunlight on the floor.They’re playing a song
just like the last one;
sunlight across the door.
the hot sun begins.
I look at her hair.
Across the room she glances,
the waitress at the counter
she’s young
in her looks an unhappiness
through the window outside
people pass. - Who Could Take Me Away
I need a woman, a friend,
To help bring me to the end.
I need someone to hold me
When I am wrong,
To hold back the tears till I’m gone.So when the day has passed
And my mind has been overcast
I can lean on one elbow
and remember a girl
Who showed me something we could share,
Showed me there was nothing to despair,
Believed in what I could achieve,
Showed me in who I could believe,
Who could take me away
From all those lonely pints in hotel bars,
Late night conversations in parked cars,
Evenings by the television,
The emptiness that follows physical passion,
Who could help me through this unrest
And give me strength
To see my weakness. - I Remember
Up the stairs
off the street
down the place
there’s a sea-side restaurant,
a dance-floor.
And in the late night
I remember their names,
the nice-looking ones.And when evening ends
in the car
in the car-park
we embrace.
In the darkness
I feel your breath,
I just wanted love
like everyone else.She leans back
this she does.
In the sweet night
I touch her face.
I wanted love,
like all the rest. - You’re There
When I’m home I’m there,
when you’re home I’m there
When you’re home
you’re there. - Beyond The Universe
The sea is sparkling
with summer in the sky
June… July….
I’m back in heaven
where the pubs are open.
Tell you one thing, I’ll win the lottery,
That will show them.
Across the street,
The God particle is almost visible
Beyond the universe, over the horizon
Begins the start of everything.And in the picture she’s the one
with glass of wine, blonde hair-
she looks like a few famous names:
what would I care?It’s been a long while since I was with her.
Love lasts a bit, you get pulled into it,
pushed away, pushed out of it. - When You’re Not You
When I was young I had my fun,
Gambling, drinking, that sort of thing.
It was my way of saying
If you don’t believe in me,
How can I take life seriously?
And now it’s time to cross the line
And say that’s why I wasted my life away.
Nobody saw – how can you expect people to see?
Society would not let me be what I wanted to be,
And I played the fool and everyone knew
They couldn’t believe in me,
So I couldn’t take myself seriously.
And so I say that’s why I’ve wasted my life away.
I’ve always concealed myself,
never been real to myself.
It’s so hard to be true
when you’re not you.
It’s so hard to change
When people expect the same.
And that’s why I say
I wasted my life away. - I Am Here
All my days have dreamed my life away
And what I say is reality
Could not make true the thoughts I say.
No one gets into my sanity.
I’ve seen so many people undone
I know how mankind has suffered so.
But in the end there’s nothing to be won
And didn’t you know I just come and go.Four….five….six….seven
I appear.
I am not.
I am here and then againEveryone’s got a little bit religion
Everyone’s got a little bit indecision
Everyone’s got a cross to bear.
But I am here, and then again
I am not.
I appear. - To See the Meaning
And when you scream at me
It seems to me
Undermining my identity.
Identity crisis,
Crisis meI want to be reborn right now
With our skill I’ll be there somehow.
When they’ve punished me
By making me feel inferior
And my life is full of fear,
And there’s no encouragement or affection,
I stand without direction.Somehow you must move on in joy,
In distress you only destroy.
You’ve gotta descend before you rise
To see the meaning of your disguise.
And everything with its meaning,
In all the emptiness and distance
No one can join you on your journey
No one can touch you-No one can be me.
- If We Knew
I’m on the edge of coping,
My heart is shaking my body.
Why do we exist
when there should be nothing in the universe?
And if we knew,
what difference would it make? - Through The Night
The land is bright
the way is clear
for through the night parties.You wear the cross,
the sower sows,
the harvest grows
and in the crops
circles.And through the night we dance
You wear the cross.
The land is bright
the way is clear
the sower sows,
the harvest grows
and in the crops
circles. - When We’re Dreaming
The moon circles the trees,
through the window the breeze.
Bless us when we’re sleeping,
bless us when we’re dreaming.
I remember you holding on,
the shape of your mouth,
the scented room.It’s being kissed as I kiss you,
it’s being kissed that’s beautiful.
Bless us when we’re sleeping,
bless us when we’re dreaming. - Believe Me
I’ve got to feel part of it,
to make sense of it.
You’ve got to know someone
to feel part of it.
Believe me.I’m looking for someone that’s looking.
I’m not waiting for anyone, anything
I’m looking for someone that’s looking,
believe me.I’ve got to feel part of it,
to make sense of it.I’m not waiting for anyone, anything
I’m looking for someone that’s looking.
I’m not waiting for anyone, anything
I’m looking for someone that’s looking. - I’m There
When I’m home I’m there
When you’re home you’re there. - In My Life
The world is all uphill, downhill,
are you in it?
I rise and fall through the sunlight
In my life I have ways of coping
in the vastness of space
where half of life
is not knowing.All day thinking of you,
on the streets in the sky
trying to find you. - There’s Nothing
There’s nothing more I can do
People in the street
on the street all day
Street people
on the street
a street away.
There’s nothing more to say
People on the street
in the street life
of the street all day. - In The Sky
Along the land I walk;
in the sky, another layer of hills,
at my feet
tangled shadows and branches.And in the evening,
down on the sea-front,
that one across the bar
kept looking at me.“Are you known?”
“I am.”
“I recognise you,
what’s your name?” - And Down Again
My sins are no-one’s fault
but my own.Above me she rose
and down she came.
Up she rose
and down again.
Up she rose
and down she came.Her sins are no-one’s fault
but her own. - I Once Saw
Your mother I once saw her
outside her home. - In the Night
Late last night
we danced in the car park
and when I woke
I was in a church with my father.Last night we danced
around clothes and beer bottles.
Last night, in the night,
we danced. - Who We Really Are
Sometimes I get away
Sometimes I go missing
Sometimes I get lost.
Sometimes I go drinking.
Pint in hand,
cigarette in the other,
fruit machine in the middle.
Sometimes I am unstable,
travelling down a bad track.
Sometimes you see yourself
and don’t know what you are looking at.
None of us know who we really are,
none of us know who we’re looking for.
We travel on, only get so far.Sometimes I get away.
Sometimes I go missing.
Sometimes I get lost.
Sometimes I go drinking. - On The Homeward Track
I’ve been up
I’ve been through
I’ve been in
Took you too.
I’ve found hope
I’ve felt pain
I’ve seen the hills
I’ve felt the shame.
I’ve come down,
Walked the line
Found the crack,
Given time.
I’ve been up
Seen the dawn,
Stayed in bed,
I’ve been torn,
I’ve been lifted,
I’ve come round,
I’ve fallen out
And not been found.And I’ve lost my way
On the homeward track.
Lost my way
On the homeward track. - Blue Sky
There’s a blue sky today,
the white clouds
look like hidden mountains.I feel slightly unhappy;
everything passes
then comes back again.I got out the car
and walked on the world;
the sky began to lighten. - From Somewhere
Some days would kick around
Seagulls against the sky,
would wonder if I could be saved by loveNone of us know where we are going
that’s the truth of it.
The universe, I guess,
came from the heavens,
the sky from somewhere else.
And down into the street I would walk
in my white summer jacket.
Now I am old,
my face shows it,
my body is slowing down,
I know it.
I can’t go on,
and on I go,
I stand in the sun.
The children have all left home,
I’ve been married for the second time,
and the papers never quite leave you alone.Drinks are carried
from inside to outside.
It’s a hot July afternoon. - After The Moon
After today comes tomorrow,
after the moon comes the sun.
Time before and time after
at the same time,
where heaven and earth are one.There will come a day
when there will be no yesterday. - I Can Now See
The world doesn’t look the same as it used to.
And what was it I was thinking?
I can’t think:
everything coming and going,
my memory leaving.
May the next life
when I am young again,
be as wonderful as this one.
And as the women pass,
they turn.I can now see
how everything came to be
in the garden at home
above a blue silvery sky
the whole of life inside me.
Up through the light
I reach the end.You love me and I love you
love is everything
and everyone.
In the silence of space
you will know
love goes on
after we are gone.
Paddy Summerfield: WRITINGS 